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Sunday, October 21, 2007

a terrible loss

This week we have lost a family member. My husband's brother passed away. He'd been sick, but it never fully prepares you for death. I feel as though I've been in a fog all week. And I ache when I think of the young sons he left behind, and his parents, who hurt so badly. We got to bring home a flower arrangement and the house is filled with its scents, bringing me back to the funeral home and memorial service.
All I could do was just pour my emotions into my writing. It seemed like a balm, though I wasn't necessarily writing about him, or family or anything. I just wrote. It helped.
Today I had to get up in church and thank all our church members for their prayers, the food they provided, and the pastor for officiating a difficult memorial service. My brother in law didn't attend church, and our pastor didn't know him well, which makes for a difficult service all round.
Seeing my in laws, especially my mother in law, and my nephews suffering, just broke my heart. What can anyone do? I lost my parents early in my life and can remember getting mad at the people around me at my mother's funeral. I'd lost the most important person in my life at that time. I hated it. All I could say this past week was that I understood. But it's never enough, and would understand it if I got snapped at back with the words, "you don't!"
All I can do is hope that time will help to heal them. I wish they would come to church and see how much it can help, but it's not easy to convince them that it really does help.

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